Seeking A Quiet Place

The Holidays are here.  For me the Holidays start with Halloween and don't stop till Easter.  One right after the other.  Cooking, baking, family time, shopping, crafting, writing, time with friends, traveling, reflecting, busy.. busy..

I love the Holidays.  I love all these holidays, and what they mean to me and to those I love.  I love the never-ending baking.  I love the ample opportunities to share with others.  But I miss quiet days and quiet time.

During the Holidays it is so much harder to not just find, but MAKE the time with my Bible, with my God.  This Holiday Season is no different.  Between homeschooling the kiddo, and relearning so much myself, crazy weekends filled with chores, shopping, cookouts, dinners, and friends, preparing and planning for family traditions, entertaining, getting involved in different projects and ministries, its hard to find time to be alone with my husband, or be alone period, let alone trying to find time to sit down and concentrate on a Bible study.

Granted, I am not one who manages lots of different tasks at once easily.  I have to have a list.  Without my list, I get nothing done, especially when there are so many diverse activities staring me in the face.  Time management training aside, I really do get overwhelmed quite easily.  Yet, even once I have my happy little list, and I have it set in priority over, I realized that recently I really need to add my quiet time with Him.  I had gone for a week straight without sitting down and concentrating on Him!  I am a little appalled with myself to admit this.

So, here I am, sitting down, thinking about the priorities I have set for this Holiday season.  I feel like I am walking up a mountain with not one heavy burden but a dozen!  Not so much that they are heavy because they are hard, but because they are involved.  How did I take on so much?  I was getting so good at keeping it simple, and yet here I am struggling to breathe.

I revert again to my life verse: The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Psalm 46v1

I know, you must all be sick of me reciting this verse over and over in my blogs.  I can't help it.  Today, this verse is as true and comforting as it is when I am burdened with sickness and sadness.   Today, seeking Him is my refuge.  Leaning on Him to be my strength to get to the mountain top.  Today He is my ever-present HELP in all the craziness.

Where do you go when you seek your quiet place?  Do you also have a favorite verse that you turn to over and over again?  Do you have a prayer that you have committed to memory?

I hope you too are able to find a quiet place to share a conversation with Him.  Now.. for me to spend some time with Him too!  ;-)

Stumbling Through Grace

I was blessed to join two of my sisters from Bible Study at a women's conference this weekend.  We were there from Thursday to Sunday, during which time, we, of course, heard the news of the shooting at Fort Hood. 

Of course, not having tv's in our rooms, most of us there did not know the full details as they unfolded.  Speculation was whispered, rumors were shared...

I, myself, found my heart suddenly skipping a few beats as I overheard a ladies room conversation between two women as they shared what they had heard: a Muslim, a terrorist, a Major, a psychologist, an Army man, sleeper cell, Allah something or other

All in the span of a few short minutes these names, labels, fact and fiction, mixed together, and a picture was left in my mind~
Not of a man wreaking havoc.  Not a man killing and wounding so many unsuspecting Soldiers.  Not of blood and gore.  Not of death. 

No, the picture in my mind was this:  the after-effect of the women's conversation.  I could suddenly see through-out the US, on military bases, in cities and towns, these same words being spoken and passed on, heedless of fact or fiction.  I could see the justified anger spreading at the horrific act of a single man on rampage.  I could see groups of protest both against those who share some of those labels and then against those who share labels that are exact opposite.  I could see men and women in all the branches of the military suddenly being unable to trust their battle-buddies or their wing-men.  I could see strife and arguments, debates and discussions, misconceptions, and persecution. 

Chaos.  Utter and complete chaos.

And then the next picture in my mind was one of Christ~
This man who harmed so many, and whose act will haunt so many for years to come, and whose act will rebound across our country in places least expected, IS LOVED BY CHRIST!
MY Lord... MY Savior... MY Grace... LOVES this man! 

I saw Christ looking down and weeping at our reactions to a man and his horrible action.  I saw Christ reach out His hand... to whom?  To ALL of us!  To me, a military spouse who could have been affected by the man's act.  To the women of Fort Hood, who were closely (if not directly) affected.  To the man or woman sitting in their home watching their news and jumping to the worst conclusions of the man's act.  To the youth who act on defending whichever side of the issue they grew up on, or think they grew up on.  To the hasty and judgemental.  To the logical.  To the emotional.  To the apathetic.  To the militant.  To the pacifists.  To the Christian.  To the Muslim.  To the just and the unjust. 

Yes, He IS reaching His hand out to ALL of us, and especially to this man.  I see on the news that he is speaking now.  I know soon the authorities will be questioning him, his motives, his past, his action.  I know that no matter really what he says, there are definite lines drawn in the sand due to the labels already plastered across his forehead.

And I hope, as I stumble through the Grace that has been afforded to me, that I will be able to see future news about this man, and see not the labels of his humanity, see not the act, see not the fear or hate or desperation, but the label that SHOULD be plastered there on his head~ Loved by Christ.

For this man, as time progresses, will have as much opportunity to learn of Christ and the Grace He offers, as I have.

May we, as Christians, live the Grace we stumble through so that others may see it more clearly and come to stumble through it as well!!

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom

Today, I decided to share a song, rather than a quote.  Casting Crowns is one of my favorite Christian bands.  There are not many of their songs that I can listen to and not be caught up in the worship or be reminded of how I should live to be a better Christian.  This last week has been a struggle for my family, for many of my close friends, and for distnat friends as we struggle to lift eachother and help eachother through difficult situations and ongoing medical struggles.  Last Wednesday, as I listened first to "Praise Him In This Storm" and I was on my knees begging on behalf of my friends, I stayed there and listened to the next several songs.  I was just getting ready to change cd's when this song came on.  I have heard it half a dozen times and never paid real close attention before.  This time it hit home, right to the core...

I am so thankful for this band's music Ministry, and the comfort that bring to so many.  I hope you enjoy this song, and if you are in the place I am at, I hope it brings you comfort and hope.

Ten Honest Things

Country Mom passed this on to everyone who read her blog, and I couldn't resist.

Ten honest things about me...  Something I haven't already spilled to the world... Let's see:

1.  Today, I had this irrisistible urge to watch "Beauty and the Beast" and sing along with all the songs and recite most of the lines.  I still get choked up watching this movie as I think of all the real-to-life lessons and events it parallels in my own life.  And its just a silly cartoon.  sigh

2.  I have never ever carved a pumpkin.  Nope, not ever.  In fact, if my dear hubby didn't take the time to do this little fall tradition with our son this year, we would not have any jack-o-lanterns at all... again...  To be honest, I am just a wee bit over-whelmed by the whole idea.  Where do you start?  What do you DO with the innards?  Why is it that when I roast the seeds, they never turn out quite right?  LOL  BUT the one my boys have done so far is really quite good.  And I am always good with a camera! 

3.  I look for any excuse to be lazy.  Oh boy, I hope no one in my family reads this!  I really love to do nothing but read a good book or spend all day on the computer.  It really does take alot of EFFORT to get my butt up off my chair and get things accomplished around my house... Making a list helps!  (or knowing I have company coming.. hehe)

4.  I share a kinship with cats.  If I were of any other faith, I would be convinced that I was a cat in a previous life.  Don't laugh!  I have (usually) an ability to calm a stressed out cat like no one I have ever met.  I am drawn to them like they are magnetic, and if one is the least bit stand-offish, I make it my goal to win them over, and am usually successful.  Yup... If I were not married, I would be the stereotypical cat lady on our street! 

5.  I am terrified of going  back to school in the spring.  Alot of it has to do with number 3... and alot of it has to do with rearranging my life so that I can still be a good wife and mom and still succeed as a student.  I know countless women, moms, working moms, have done this and have done very, very well... But I am pessimistic when it comes to my own abilities, and am dreading my 'first day of school.'

6.  I abhor dust.  Can't stand it!  Kind of a losing battle when I love to open my house windows during these beautiful fall days.  So do not be surprised to walk in my house and start sneezing from all the Pledge I go through on a daily basis.  (I really need to find something less offensive for controlling the dust... hmm)

7.  I am fascinated by the men and women who lived during the World Wars.  I could really care less about the wars themselves, but I am almost obsessed with diaries, biographies, and autobiographies of men, women, and children who lived during or through those dark times.  I especially am fascinated by those affected after WWII was officially over, but were still persecuted merely for their nationality. 

8.  I live for my next trip, be it by car or plane.  I love to travel.  Especially if I have never been there before!  It could be to the tiniest two-horse town somewhere in a sandy desert, and I would still be thrilled to go and see and learn about it.  If I ever won the lottery that I don't play, much of that money would be used to see the sights!

9.  I am a wiggle-worm.  I can never never sit still.  My parents and childhood Dr's used to attribute it to growing pains.  Yet, here I am, 31 years old, and I still swing my legs, tap my feet, drum my fingers, move my whole body from one position to another at least every 30 seconds- just to have to assure whoever is with me that I am not a nervous wreck!  lol

10.  I love Celine Dion.  Oh, how my hubby hates it when I pull out her cd's and start singing along around the house.  The quickest way to chase him out of the house... LOL  I can't help it.  I love her voice.  I love the power and the passion of so many of her songs, and I can't resist belting out along with her though I am sure I must scare the neighbors.

This was fun!  Thanks Country Mom for opening this up for all of us!

Book Review~ Beautiful Mess: The Story of Diamond Rio

"Beautiful Mess: The Story of Diamond Rio" as related to Tom Roland by the members of Diamond Rio themselves is a beautiful story of how the band came together forming a united band of amazing individuals.  From the mouths of the band members come the stories of what brought them together, and the trials they endured while trying to keep Christ and family the center of their lives to become the band they are today. 

I grew up listening to country music, and one of my favorite country bands has always been Diamond Rio.  What a delightful find is this book as I was able to meet each band member and learn more about them as though talking to them in person!  I was able to see the Faith that guided them through their individual battles and brought them to their successes.  Then to take each individual and wrap them up together in a united band striving to make a name for themselves in Nashville, and on the airwaves, was truly an enjoyable read.  Tom Roland broke the story of Diamond Rio and wrote it in such a way as to draw you in so that when you are finished with the book, you really feel as though you know these men in real life!

This is a great read, and a great testimony!  Reminds us that even in show-business, our Lord is with us.

Pumpkins and Christians

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff - including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

 Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

This was passed on to me from another pumpkin.

Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin.

I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.

 Happy Fall!

Walking Through Pain

The last post I put up beseaching you, dear readers, to lift up Steve and April in your prayers is still there, and I am still begging you to spend some time on your knees to lift up not just this family as they are in the midst of life altering storm, but also to remember their family and friends, whose lives will forever be changed as well.  Everyone who knows this couple is fighting with questions, fears, concerns, even as we lift up our voices and our hearts out to God that He will intercede with a Miracle. 

We are struggling with doubts.  Why NOW?  Why THIS family?  What about those who will be left behind if the worst happens?  How do we encourage each other?  How do we see God in this?  How do we comfort the family?

How can I look in any of the family members faces, or even their closest friends and tell them that God is still in control, even knowing that it may mean that He will take someone away from them?  How do I answer those questions of why would God allow this to happen?  What kind of God lets this happen?

It is an all too familiar feeling.  Helplessness.  I have shared in the past of the untimely death of my cousin, a new Christian.  I am convinced NOW that the Lord did take my cousin Home, and there WAS a reason, though I am still uncertain what that reason is, and I may never know till I am safely Home as well.  I struggled for years to come to an understanding of not understanding.  But that was within myself.  How do I explain this to friends who are facing this now, are in the midst of this, and cannot even try to look to that future and the possibility of a reason behind a tragedy such as this?

My life verse comes to mind: Psalm 46 v 1~ The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. 

Always this verse comes to mind when I am at a loss for anything else. 

Always when my prayers stop making sense to me, and I hopelessly give them over toThe Spirit, knowing that He will know what my heart is pleading, this verse comes to mind.  Sometimes a welcome reminder, sometimes a rough bandage over a festering wound, but always there.

I know this family is only at the beginning of a struggle, not just with life changes, maybe without a father, maybe with a changed father.  I know that there is absolutely nothing I can say that will ease the pain, the suffering, the struggles within the lives and the souls.  I know that even just telling them that I am still praying will do little in the way of comfort when it appears so bleak indeed.

I know my friends, who are much closer to this family than I, are struggling to see His Grace in this.  I am too!  I hugged one today, and I struggled to hold the tears back as she cried too.  God wouldn't allow this to happen would He? she cried.  As I hugged her tighter, all I could say is that I don't know.  I couldn't find it in me to tell her that His will is not our own.  His reasons are often with-held from us, and I have as much trouble accepting that from this distance as those right in the middle of the storm do.

I am searching the Scripture.  I have not been asked to help anyone in that regard, so I will not force it down any one's throat, but I am looking and bookmarking and trying to commit it to memory just in case.  And I am on my knees, begging with Him to bring us all through this closer to Him rather than further away.  I am begging for a Miracle, and for Peace, and for Understanding, no matter what the outcome will be.

My dear friends, I am now asking you, I know so many of you lead Bible studies, and do daily devotionals, and maybe some of you have been through a similiar storm yourself.  Please share with me the Words of Scripture that you call on, or that you found that brought you comfort. 

Prayer Request~ Urgent!

Please pray for Steve and April...its urgent!!! Thank you!!!

I do not want to put down any particulars because I have not spoken directly to April, but this is a life and death type request.

Please, please, pray for this family! And please, please pass this on to your praying friends and family!!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Time Out

I have to tell so many of you how sorry I am that I fell off the blogging map for a couple of weeks.  Thank you for your emails and your questions and concerns.

Everything is fine here.  I disappeared because I had taken a two week trip to see my sister and my parents.  Alot of unexpected changes happened just within the week that I was supposed to leave, so I started losing time to blog, and then while I was there, even though I had the capabilities, I chose to focus my time with the family rather than online.

I know you all understand, and I will be taking the next couple days to catch up with your blogs, emails, and any comments I may have missed.

Thank you and God bless!!

    

Live With It

In previous blogs, I have shared a little of my journey since 2006 getting diagnosed with Fibromylagia and Osteo-Arthritis.  I know many of you are new readers, so I will add a quick review of the past few years. 

I am prior Active Duty Air Force, and prior Air Force Reserves.  When we moved to a new base in 2005, and I attended my first weekend with my new Reserve Unit, they had to take me to the Emergency Room.  Being part of a medical squadron, I was surrounded by Doctors, Nurses, and Med Techs, who all had different speculations as to what was happening to me.  I had been sitting in class watching a video when I noticed I could no longer focus on the tv, or any object in the room.  I could hear the instructor speaking to me, but I couldn't understand what she was saying.  My hands both started to tingle, and my speech was so slurred that it came out mumbo jumbo rather than what I was attempting to say.  My right hand went numb, then my arm, then half my face, and then the migraine set in full blast.  Some of my new coworkers were convinced I was having a diabetic episode.  Others thought I was having a mini-stroke, and some others thought I had Bells Palsey.  So off I went to the ER, just to sit around for three hours, by which time all the symptoms dissipated leaving only a migraine so severe that I felt like I needed to sleep wrapped around a toilet.  Of course, the ER found nothing.  Granted, they DID nothing, not even an MRI, but what do you expect from a military hospital?  (Unless something is hanging out, or poking out, or your blood pressure indicates your heart is about to burst, very rarely is anything done in a military ER... but I digress...)

So... In follow-up, I had to see my provider.  Again, due to the military health system, I wasn't able to see MY provider until several months later.  So in the meantime, I was seeing Dr's who weren't really that interested in learning more about my symptoms, and just shrugged it off as a migraine or depression.  Finally, I was able to see my provider.  Truly, a provider worth keeping!  He ran a whole slew of tests on me.  Sent me to a Rheumatologist, Neurology, and would have had a sleep study done on me, but time never allowed that.  He had determined from our very first visit that I had either Fibro or Lupus, in addition to what he was sure was at least one form of arthritis.  So after all the referrals, and all the lab work, he informed me that I did not have Lupus or Rheumatism.  I did have Fibromyalgia and Osteo-arthritis.  However, he was still at a loss as to my headaches and the episode that took me to the ER in the first place.  So he concentrated on trying to control my body pain and keeping my stress down which appeared to make both the body pain and the headaches worse.  I left that base and that Dr with a good plan in my mind and a good foundation for how to treat myself, even if the headaches (aka mini-strokes as so many of my family were convinced I was having) were left undiagnosed.

Now... to my current situation.

We moved here to our new assignment.  I am no longer in the Reserves because my last unit just did not know what to do with a someone who has Fibro.  They were all witness to my 'episode' and were convinced I was not deployable, so I was simply taken off the roster and transferred to Ready Reserve status.  Fine with me... I think... I dunno... lol  I go to meet my new provider who informs me of two things: one- he has no idea what Fibromyalgia is really and so he needs to do alot more research before deciding how to treat me and two- he has no past medical history to go off of because my medical records were lost in transit.  Go figure.

So here I am a  year after the move and am still in the midst of getting rediagnosed.  I have been to see a Rheumatologist.  He has changed my work out routine.  I was working out three times a week, yoga with light pilates.  He says that is not enough.  He agrees I need to keep my workout low impact, but I need to work on a bike or elliptical machine to get my heart rate up to 120 for ten minutes.  This will better release the pain killing endorphines that my body does not make enough of like a normal person's body does.  He is also putting me on Flexoril to help me reach REM sleep at night, since my sleep patterns are obviously out of whack and that adds to the body pain and stress.  He also told me I need to take better care of my feet.  No more flip-flops for me (a HUGE transition for me as I LOVE to go barefoot or go out in all weather in just my flip-flops!) and I have to invest in good arch supports for ALL my shoes.  I guess the thinking is that if I can keep my feet healthy, and keep them from continuing on their spreading and flattening then I will also be able to prevent further ankle, knee, hip, and even lower back problems.  We shall see.  sigh... good-bye flip flops....

Now here is the interesting part.  To be honest, once I was diagnosed with Fibro, I was ready to just take it and run with it and let that part of my life work itself out.  My greatest concern was and is these 'episodes' where I lose the ability to speak and focus, where my right side goes numb, and then I am immobilized by a severe migraine.  I did online research... all of which pointed to my family's worst fears- I was having mini-strokes that were not being diagnosed or were being ignored.  However, while I was at this Rheumatologist, he shared something with me no Dr so far has.  He was telling me to get a referal from my main provider (military Dr) to a Neurologist.  He said that these 'episodes' were a type of migraine- a hemiplegic migraine.  He listed off the symptoms and I experienced that ah-ha! moment!  Granted, I have not had them officially diagnosed by a neurologist!  But this news is WAY better than thinking I was having mini-strokes, which are largely undiagnosed or misdiagnosed in women today.

So I am learning about these types of migraines, and waiting on a referral to a neurologist and whatever slew of tests he will need to do to determine if this is in fact what I am experiencing.

Until then, and even after, I am learning to live with it.  lol